ain't a fairytale

2011-12-08T22:58:00.001+08:00

You could run from someone you feared, you could try to fight someone you hated.
When you loved the one who was killing you, it left you no options. How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so would hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give your beloved, how could you not give it?
If it was someone you truly loved?

2011-11-29T01:55:00.000+08:00

Dearest............
I'm feeling so down.
I feel like I'm destroying myself just to "keep up".. And he's liking every sins I'm making. It's kinda sad. It's my fault , I shouldn't have ..
Save me........

2011-11-23T19:03:00.001+08:00

2011-11-23T12:43:00.001+08:00

Dearest, many more things changed. I'm officially "not with them". I have no idea for how long I'm separated from my family. Family relationship screwed up, for real. *sigh*
I'm now working as a concierge. It bores me. So totally wrong for me. I'm surrounded by guys all the time and they picked on me.. yeah, there's a sign on my forehead which says, "Bully Me".. Funny group of people but no, not those you can trust. It's really tiring living in a world full of politics. I don't belong here.
I'm thinking of being a cabin crew (since shit happens). The pay is reasonable. Atleast I can keep my mind off things, keep myself busy. Let Audi have his own space a bit (with limits, of course, no hanky panky). At least I'll be busy flying rather than "adding on weight to the burden". I won't be around that often. And who knows, if God is willing, I'll get an appertment (rented). Other than that, I'll get a whole lot of new experience. I know, my relationship with Audi might be at risk but hey, I won't be away for long. Besides, I'm hoping I'll get prettier for him.. For him.
Anyways, that's it for today on career.
Moving on, love... Is it an obsession or instincts?
I found out somethings once again. He hide it from me. Another lie. I knew it, that explains why it's difficult to trust him all this while. i told myself to stay calm and handle it maturely. But hey, I lose it when he pointed at me and gave me a slight push. Tiny signs of agressiveness to tell me off. I was definitely dissapointed and hurt, it's not the first time as well.
I walked away from him. I fleed to wherever my heart wanted to be. It brought me to ECP.. SO many times, I tried to hold back my tears.. Just so many times.. Just so many times, my heart was crushed when it's not even whole yet! Gosh, the world was spinning around me, I didn't know who to call. I've lost so many after each and every war.
At least, the wind was gentle.. and the smell of the sea soothe my senses. Nature and it's magic. (Minus those bugs and insects.)
I had a bottle of flavoured vodka. I didn't know much about all this shit. I didn't choose others coz I honestly hate the smell of alcohol. Especially beer. So yeah, whatever, I finished the whole bottle within a minute. My head felt as though it's floating.. hmm.. Heavy. And I responded slower to things. I cried and cried. I was aware of my actions but I couldn't control my emotions any longer. I felt wasted. I felt like I'm no different than a slut and my whole life's screwed. I'm worthless. I failed as a good daughter, as a good lover and everything else. And I thought of my twins..... My twins. Horrible.

I did this out of anger. I just want him to know one thing, if he can do it, I can do it too. And i'll be his reflection. See if he'll like it that way. See if our relationship gonna turn out fine or worse. I just want him to feel what I've been feeling. Oh yeah, I had another bottle of Tequila after that. So stupid and kental.
All this while, I want to be the best for him. I preserved myself like a pickle, (goodie two shoes).. I should I think of him befor doing anything whereas he's out there, not sparing a thought for me. Drink to socialize ? Socialize, my ass! It's one of those things I can't tolerate. He promised me not to do those stuff but now, why can't he understand? I don't want such person as my husband. Really.
I don't need a rich husband, one who could spoil me with whatever I want.
I just need, all I really want, is a MAN, who is able to GUIDE me to the right path- my guiding star.
You promised, you'll be a better man.. for me, for our kids though they're no longer here, for our future.
YOU PROMISED.
Which part of this, don't you understand?

*sigh*

2011-08-18T02:10:00.000+08:00

Dearest, I regret for whatever happened. I regret what I've done. Looking down the road I've walked through, I really think that I've shoudn't have done what I did... Well, there are so many things.. And I feel like breaking down. I feel like shouting and crying at the same time. I feel sooooo :'( I need somebody to talk to. I NEED. I'm starting to ask myself if he's the one for me.. I regret helping him out with his bike. I regret having kids with him (tho i know Im longing for the twins). I regret falling for him and allowing him to take my hand. I regret.................. What am I suppose to do now.. Tell me .. I'm lost :(
and I don't know why I said, "I hope I could at least celebrate Hari Raya with Audi.."

Beribu Sesalan

2011-08-18T01:20:00.002+08:00

Ku susuri malam ini
Yang tidak berbintang sunyi sepi
Juga rembulan dah menghilang
Dalam kelam ku sendiri
Ku mencari hembus bayu
Yang selalu berbisik madah rindu
Kini membisu dalam sayu
Tidak ku temu suaramu

Kekasihku di jalanan yang berliku
Di saat ku perlukanmu
Tertutup jua segalanya terhadapmu
Di sini ku tersedu-sedu
Setelah cinta pergi
Ku mengusung duka ini diiringi
Kisah janji dimungkiri lagi

2011-08-16T16:32:00.000+08:00

Call me itchy or whatever.. I read Audi's messages to her (fb). Hmmm.. I feel like shit. I don't know if I'm really that special.. I mean how speacial can I get one day??? He always runs back to Atika. Imagine, if I were to leave him, will it be the same? Will he do those things he did.. for me? I don't know, I really don't.
He did mention once that I shouldn't look back because it's really over. But the thing is, it's been years already and it's still haunting.. Just look at what happened the other day, she called! sigh.. The truth is I don't know if what we're sharing right now is anything compared to theirs. Even if we had kids together before, so what right? Guys, they can do anything and they tend to be emotionally detached compared to us girls when it comes to this..No?
He barely text me eversince he booked in.. and he sounds pretty moody and lifeless on the phone. I wonder why.. Sigh

I would really love to break free and be very busy with work and traveling... but sommehow I feel that I'm bounded.. Why is that?.. I feel that something is not right.

I wanna feel the wind.. I wanna smell the fresh air.. I wanna see the blue blue sea under the beautiful vast sky and feel the white sand underneath my feet... and yes, with candy flavoured blue ice-cream in hand.. with a pretty sunhat on my head..and yes, a beautiful sundress.. and a good book~ that's all I need.. Because my world is revolving around him right now.. I'm afraid I might fall deeper and get hurt.. Sometimes I asked myslf, "Why did I do that?"..

I'm lost.

2011-08-16T11:45:00.002+08:00

my tummy is kinda flat..somehow it feels weird.. i miss them both..

Another new beginning

2011-08-16T02:18:00.002+08:00

Dearest,
Audi finally got his bike on 13.08.11.. I shall never forget that day.. He's really stressed up and agitated. One moment he's nice and the next moment he's trying to control his temper. I can tell whenever he tries to control. Jaw, eyes, lips, fists and yes, the way he walks and speaks.
And then you could see his eyes dancing once he knew that he's able to collect his bike.. His smile.. Makes me happy but it makes me wonder if I did the right thing and I don't know if it means anything to him.
Anyways, I'm his very first pillion.. I don't know if that means anything to him.
I hope with this, things gonna get better.. One down, many more to go ~

The First Night

We went to meet his Bedok Bandits clique for break fast and then we went here and there .. and finally, we went for a drink.. I find that they are actually funny. Ouh well, have I mentioned that my butt, my back and everywhere were aching? Prolly I'm nt used to the seating.. Despite those discomforts,I love those moments when we hit the road together, my arms wrapped around him with the big bright fullmoon ahead of us and of course, the night wind..

The Second Day

We went to meet Les to collect his half shell helmet and his first bike (Mystique)'s key somewhere in the west.. Ouh gosh.. I'm turning into someone different. I'm eating in public in the month of Ramadhan. P.S: I can't fast just yet.. And Audi wasn't fasting too.. and look at my outfit!

Anyways, we went home for a while. I went out with mummy and Ili to get baju Raya at Geylang. I was surprise she wanted to get me one.. Mummy :)
Audi fetched me soon enough to meet them.. I was super nervous. As nervous as Audi?
Gawsh, just look at that place! full of many other bikers from different "companies". It's kinda awkward for me. I'm still fresh. Real fresh. I felt eyes folowing us. Oh, that big ass helmet. I felt silly, stupid, like a noob. Ouh look, some idiot did "willy" with a lady pillion holding on to him like and idiot. How stupid ! So not cool. Merempit is so not cool!! How my heart jump when I saw that..Ouh ya, my step cousin was there with his fiance.
We then went to ECP. Familiar faces ones again. Like fairytales characters came out from a book. I find that Arm looks younger and his face is somehow glowy.. Very nice to look at ~ I followed Audi around.. I was somehow left alone while we were by the beach.. It's alright, the view's lovely, like a painting.. I let my mind wander for a while......
Anyways, what I like about this day is being on the road with them.. There's this awesome feeling.. I don't know how to put them in words~

Goodbye pretty dresses :( . Hello tank tops and half leather jackets. and yes, more black stuff.. Hello Sun..Hello traffics. Hello ciggarette-scented me. Many many hellos.

Audi. He took my hand and brought me to somewhere new, a foreign land. I hope I won't get lost.

web cam whoring

2011-08-16T01:05:00.000+08:00

It's been ages since I took nice pictures!

Let's begin with the ones that I like best..

I like the second effect & I like my lips here :)

Pout pout pout

I don't know 'bout you but I like the focus here :)

Smile smile smile..Naturally

Farhan said that my face looks like cow in this picture.

*shrug*

Ignore the background.

Yes, I look like indo -.-

Thanks to my jawa blood!

Finally, here's a lil' bit of everything~

Both "buruk" and "nice"

FYI:
Audi bought me that dress for our monthsary and I made it my favourite .
Mummy(Audi's) gave me that white cardigan.
That spagetti strap is from Me.
My undies, Audi bought for me! Haha. No joke.
Pink pink stuff, it's from Me.

About Us

2011-08-12T00:33:00.000+08:00

we had kids together. TWINS
painted his room together (my very first time painting a room!)
rearrange his room together and made it ours
lived together
went through shit together ( the lowest point of our lives )
he stood up for me like noone else did
and I hope I gave him love like noone else did.. not even her or her or her!
(compared to his exs) I spend alot of time with his family
We share many many things. (our past and present,secrets,truths and lies,dreams, thoughts and etc)
He knows how to make me smile with my heart even when the world is crumbling down

Imagine if our relationship comes to an end.. I wonder how our world would be.. I wonder if all of these moments matter.. I wonder if they would be forgotten..
I'm just afraid that he'd leave me for someone or something else.. I don't want to be the one crying and suffering.. I believe it's gonna be very very painful because I love him this much.. The love that I never ever felt before..

S9MBILAN BAND - HAFIZAH

2011-08-11T00:05:00.001+08:00

Look what I've found! Bibik(Audi's housekeeper) introduced me this song.. Hahaha! Made my day~ I love her !!

10 Common Leadership & Management Mistakes - Leadership Skills from MindTools.com

2011-08-09T13:58:00.000+08:00

10 Common Leadership & Management Mistakes - Leadership Skills from MindTools.com

2011-08-09T13:29:00.000+08:00

"crying doesn't make you weak, it'll only make your heart stronger after all the tears have been washed away."

Resume writing tips, resume samples & CV format - JobStreet.com Singapore

2011-08-09T13:00:00.000+08:00

Resume writing tips, resume samples & CV format - JobStreet.com Singapore

Setelah Aku Kau Miliki

2011-08-08T01:11:00.000+08:00

Mereka lihat ku tersenyum
Gembira bagai tiada duka
Begitu indah dipandangan
Tapi hatiku keretakan bagai sinar
Purnama terang yang terbakar

Setelah aku kau miliki
Mana janjimu yang sejati
Segala bagai kiambang
Zahirnya nampak berkembangan
Akar tak jejak di dasaran
Terluka cintamu itu

Jelmaan yang mendatang
Meragut menggoda
Membenam binasa cinta
Aku di genggaman
Engkau lepaskan
Kerna memburu khayalanmu
Yang menjanjikan
Rembulan keribaanmu
Engkau kehancuran

Tidakku mampu membencimu
Biarpun cuba ku lepaskan
Tapi rantaimu mengunciku
Di kota cinta jelmaanmu
Tidakku rela dibinasa
Bersama cintamu itu

2011-08-05T10:53:00.000+08:00

Dear Kai (and whoever),
you may laugh and underestimate me all you want. I don't care. Somehow this song reminds me of you now.

Skyscraper- Demi Lovato

Skies are crying, I am watching
Catching teardrops in my hands
Only silence, as it's ending, like we never had a chance.
Do you have to make me feel like there's nothing left of me?

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper

As the smoke clears
I awaken and untangle you from me
Would it make you feel better to watch me while I bleed
All my windows still are broken but I'm standing on my feet

Go run run run

I'm gonna stay right here
Watch you disappear yeah
Go run run run

yeah it's a long way down
But I'm closer to the clouds up here

Ours

2011-08-05T09:30:00.002+08:00

Dearest,

have I not told you what I've been going through for the past few months? It's really a roller coaster ride.. An experience that's so intense, undescribable..It changed my lifestyle, almost everything..

I remember when my doctor told me that I was a month plus pregnant. He looked happy whereas I was speechless. Mixed feelings.. If only I'm married, I'd be so much happier. At the back of my mind, there's a voice, saying "you're so dead". Yup, my parents, my brothers.. I didn't know how to face them.

I remember how he laughed upon hearing the piece of news.. By then, I was already in tears but he made me feel so much better.. Ouh!! we're expecting our first child!

Initially, he wanted to keep the pregnancy. I wanted to terminate due to many many many reasons.. We finally agreed to terminate. But our thoughts and feelings changed when we for the ultrasound scan. WE'RE HAVING TWINS.. Omg.. That's all I ever wanted!! Why oh why.

I remember his smile, how his eyes shine looking at the screen..Our Baby A and Baby B.. *sigh* We did mention a few times on having twins before..

But what other choice do we have?

We tried to terminate the pregnancy twice and failed due to my hyperthyroidism.. Somehow, throughout the process, feelings grew for those babies.. Audi is so loving and he's always there for me eversince. Yeah, we're much more attatch to each other and the love between us grew like mushrooms. We decided to tell his mummy about it. We thought of keeping the twins. Sadly, mummy didn't feel that way.. She has her reasons. She's been really nice though..Really nice and I am grateful.

That night, Audi cried. He's dissapointed that we should let the twins go.. *sigh*

The pregnancy was terminated when it was 17weeks plus old. I was really upset.. I tried to hide my tears.. It's just so sad.. MY babies..... *urgh*

It's really painful too..Physically and emotionally.. God knows.

The only picture of them.

Our baby girls,

Qiuraisya&Qailisya

@2 months..

Daddy's jellybeans.

Mommy's everything

...

270711: A1500: B1700

You know, I feel like telling the whole world that I was given twins.
If only I could, I would.

my other half

2011-07-25T16:29:00.001+08:00

I love my Audi :)

Good morning!

2011-06-29T09:40:00.001+08:00

oh god.... my eyes ..very puffy!!!

He came home, with my mcspicy.
I noticed, he kept a distance away from me. and I could smell beer. My nose is really sensative when it comes to this.. He talked to me a few lines or two. I ignored him. I knew something's not right. I ate my mcspicy alone.. How come it doesn't taste as nice and where the hell is the receipt and the grill order paper? hhmmm.. obviously, he's hiding something. I lay next to him, yes.. the smell. I questioned him. and yes, true enough. I'm right. He went for a drink last night. i cried like crazy. Not that I wanted to but I couldn't help it. Hati hancur. he promised, he promised he won't do all those again.! But look.. ! Now I know.. Sigh

2011-06-29T03:43:00.001+08:00

dearest,
i can't sleep... i feel so sad... sigh.. maybe tonight is one night i should cry my heart out..

2011-06-29T02:44:00.000+08:00

After crying, I feel so hungry :(
I feel like having another can of redbull. Should I ?

For Her

2011-06-29T02:24:00.000+08:00

Dear Mum,
I'm sorry if I'm such a dissapointment to you.. I know, in your eyes, I'm useless, good for nothing daughter (which I don't understand why, whereas, I'm so much better than minahs out there,do you know?)..

I have to leave. Given my sistuation, it's really stressful living in a house full of "negative aura". I've been feeling so unhappy and depressed... Unappreciated, unloved.

I'll get back only when I'm a better person, good enough to be your daughter and their sister.. I hope I'm in your prayers.. and I hope you're doing fine~

2011-06-29T02:12:00.000+08:00

Dearest,
I don't know how to put this in words.. I don't know what I have done to myself..my life.. I felt strong when I left the house .. The strength comes from my boyfriend. I felt that everything's gonna be fine.. He made me feel so secured.. even when things screwed up,I felt that the world is still bright..
But recently, I felt insecure. Thanks to some girl called Tasha and Atika. I don't know how to let him know how I feel.. Given my health condition and some other problems, I get upset easily.
As I read their conversation over their "old" picture together, I felt ..... Only God knows. I mean, gawsh, that kind of girl? So minah-ish, so "cheap". Why did my boyfriend bother? Too tempting?.. I don't know..
I couldn't imagine losing him...We've went through so much together.. I just hope he knows what he's doing and be true to me, to our relationship...Ya Allah, help us move towards the right path..
Too often, i hide my tears away from people.. There're too many things that upsets me and yet I kept silent.. And when I'm alone, tears just flow... And I feel so helpless.. I feel lost..
Whatever it is, at the back of my mind, I know, I must be optimistic, take these as challenges , to be a better person.. and I must recover soon so I can be more independant, not afraid of having my heart crushed into lil' tiny pieces....
Audi's mummy is really nice.. she shared with me a couple of things.. and I'm thankful to have her around... I will remind myself (of her words) every now and then..
I must be strong ... :'(

Chris Medina- What are Words (Lyrics)

2011-06-04T17:45:00.000+08:00

2011-06-04T17:38:00.000+08:00

Hey.. It's been really really such a long time~

Many things happened.. Things change.. People come and go. And I'm still smiling.. At least I have my boyfriend , Farhan and Kak Fyda and most importantly myself.. And I have my twins :)
God loves me.. He knows I've always wanted twins but... yeah, I found myself not prepared... and I almost felt like I've got noone sometimes.. I mean, I need an adult to guide me. but nah... Family.. They're never really there. And I believe I shouldn't trouble them.. I've caused this to happened, I should clean it myself, right?
Everything has a price.. Nothing comes easy.. We're humans, we do tend to make mistakes.. Let's just not make the same one...
I went through quite a lot these past few days.. My emotions, my health, complications.. I can't really state what I'm facing right now.. Coz, it's pretty complicated.
Whatever it is, there's nothing we can't handle.. I won't go crazy, I promise~ :)

Bansheeeeeeee !!

2011-04-07T06:28:00.000+08:00

These few nights, I've been brave and bold... In a foolish way..
I took a sneek peek out my kitchen window.. There's this big tree with lots of fern around.. And there, sat a banshee (a.k.a pontianak) every night. My second brother spotted her first.. Well, he believes that she belongs to someone, if you know what I mean.. That's why she sat there obediently every night.. Thank God she's not facing us (that's why I'm brave enough to look).. Ouh gosh~ Allah, please protect us.. :)

Replay mode

2011-04-07T06:02:00.001+08:00

I like the way she delivered this song.. It's very deep, don't you think? And I love that voice.. I think it's hawt!!

2011-04-07T02:45:00.002+08:00

If you're wondering, my life still goes on as usual..

My relationship's been good (with Audi). He's sweeter than ever.. Why must I longed for something I could never ever have.. I feel much lighter now, knowing that I'm able to accept the fact that he gotta go.. In fact he deserves better.. Don't you think?

Random Picks

2011-03-25T20:53:00.002+08:00

Random

2011-03-25T16:15:00.000+08:00

Ouh gosh.. I'm so tired. I need food and sleep.. (perangai so the budak gemuk).. Mmm.. TomYum and a movie will do me good :) can sleep after that ! Chao~

2011-03-25T16:09:00.000+08:00

I barely slept again.. I slept at 3+a.m..
I went for a karaoke session with Zul, Faizal, Syam, Pakcik(i forgot his real name), his bro, another unknown guy, Kak Fyda, her cousin and Ila. It's been quite sometime since we last had our karaoke session.. Initially, I didn't want to go.. I had an arguement with Audi earlier on. You don't have to know about what. We argued twice this week. I'm slightly hot headed due to my PMS.. Do pardon me please ~
The session was a short one for Zul and me. I had to be home before eleven.. Thank God he has personal transport..
Sadly, when I got home. my mum nags at me because it's already eleven. *sigh*

Anyways, I arrived Alo at 6.50p.m... The event went well. Prepared 60 triple deckers. Man, looking at triple deckers makes me sick now..

I'm A Dreamer

2011-03-24T06:16:00.000+08:00

Morning Dear ~

How I wish I own a beachhouse..

Prepare morning breakfast and serve them to someone special just in time when they flutter their eyes open.. Say, American breakfast? We can have breakfast together on bed with the morning sunshine lighting up the room. The view out of the glass door would be really nice.. the view of a lake or even better, the seashore :) and of course, the sea must be really blue.. not grey and dull. The sand, it almost white and fine.. not brown and coarse.. And the breeze, gently blowing in.. The smell of refreshing scent.. I don't know what scent.. Hmmmm ~ Just nice to relax and pamper our senses and yes, feel like home....

Wouldn't it be nice ?
Here're pictures of my dream house :)
By Richard Meier. US

Simplicity at it's best !

Snapshot

2011-03-24T04:21:00.002+08:00

Our smile :)

Random

2011-03-23T20:49:00.000+08:00

Honestly, you're making me roll my eyes at you many times this week.. I don't know why. It happens so naturally ~

Another day

2011-03-23T20:18:00.002+08:00

I woke up at noon again. My body was aching all over and my head felt heavy.. I wonder why ~
I dragged myself out of bed and hoping that it's not gonna be like any other usual days..
Of course not ! I had a briefing session (at Alocassia Apartments) regarding this Friday's media event! I was surprise that ministers are invited to the event.. There will be reporters around too. The main objective of this event is to legt others know about Our "service journey".. That was what they told us anyways.
The cafe team gotta serve 50 triple deckers and 50 muffins :) awesome much! I'm so excited ~
Besides that, we did have a chat with Rayson, regarding non-work related stuff.. Rayson mentioned that he missed seeing me and Fakhrin together.. He said we're a very energetic and bubbly pair. *sigh* and he asked me what's fakhrin is doing now.. and so, I told him whatever I know.. hmm.. My heart cracked a lil', recalling those moments.. Ouh well, people come and go. Nothing's permenant in this world..

Anyways, I miss you, you and you ! I wonder when we'll meet again ... *sigh*

I don't believe you

2011-03-23T01:30:00.000+08:00

Ever since the incident, it proves that even the sweetest guy can't be trusted. So much for "changing". So not.
I feel so agitated. It's both me & my period. Really, I feel like letting it all go man. So annoying.. Menyampah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-03-22T20:26:00.000+08:00

I woke up late this morning. Dizzy...
Set off for work.. It's so nice to have Nisha back in the cafe.. Finally, a pioneer! She's awesome ~
I tried helping her out though I've already punch out.
Abang Zul and Faizal came today.. Zul said I looked pale... Ouh, no wonder I felt weird. The right side of my head felt like it's gonna burst any moment. I only had my very very first meal at 6p.m.. I felt super shitty. I feel super shitty. Audi kept silent throughout the day.. and I wonder why. *sigh* It's as though it's my fault.
I'm already here with a terrible headache.. To worry 'bout him makes it worst. I'm trying to brush it off. yeah..
I just don't know what to think.
On the other hand, someone gave me his bags of care and concern. Thank you~ very much appreciated.

Random

2011-03-22T05:32:00.000+08:00

I'm busy blogging in this wee hours, with headphones deafening me with back to back Swiftie's tunes..I'm beginning to love Country and Indie music.. No sex content. I like ~ I wonder why these days, songs speaks of sex and lust.. No wonder our society is turning into *** .. Tsktsktsk~

Suddenly, I can smell the rain and it's kinda cold~ It's raining... and I'm not under my blankie, dreaming of whatever that are never gonna happen in reality.. I'm left with 3hours for my rest . awesome. serve me right~

Random

2011-03-22T02:24:00.000+08:00

I wanna set up another blog.. :)
I need to ~

On Replay Mode

2011-03-21T12:54:00.001+08:00

Parachute- Cheryl Cole

I don't tell anyone about the way you hold my hand
I don't tell anyone about the things that we have planned
I won't tell anybody
Won't tell anybody
They want to push me down
They want to see you fall (Down)

Won't tell anybody how you turn my world around
I won't tell anyone how your voice is my favourite sound
I won't tell anybody
Won't tell anybody
They want to see us fall

I don't need a parachute
Baby, if I've got you
Baby, if I've got you
I don't need a parachute
You're gonna catch me
You're gonna catch if I fall
Down, down, down

Don't believe the things you tell yourself so late night and
You are your own worst enemy
You'll never win the fight
Just hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
It's you and me up against the world
It's you and me....(Love)

2011-03-18T13:22:00.000+08:00

I feel so Free :)

I felt depressed last night regarding my report (school stuff) .. But hey, despite not getting any sleep at all, I felt asthough I've lost 20 pounds when I submitted everything.
I would really like to thank my lecturer and manager :)
Sigh :)
I still have to take many many more steps with him right next to me, my motivation~
Anyways, i have to get ready for work............. but honestly.. I can hear my bed calling me. Arghhh !

Clueless

2011-03-18T02:52:00.001+08:00

Have you figured out what exactly you wanna be? I'm talking about career here.. What you wanna do and how much you wanna earn? Or at least hope..

Seriously, at this age, I should jolly well know what's best for me. I still can't figure out what I wanna be, what I wanna do for living..
I just can't decide.. I just can't leave my current job. I'm not making any effort to do so and I wonder why. I feel so frustrated yet I'm doing nothing..

I should venture. That's what my boyfriend told me to do.. and for his birthday, he wants nothing from me but a new job..

I shouldn't bother 'bout passion and interests. Think of money... Right ??

I'm 21. What am I doing?
I shouldn't have taken up that business course.

ouh hell.

2011-03-16T04:57:00.000+08:00

I friggin' miss my long hair ~

f.y.i : my hair is short now .. *sobs*

2011-03-16T03:36:00.000+08:00

" kehilangan arah menantang arus "

Reviving

2011-03-09T18:25:00.000+08:00

So much for walking away and forgetting the past, Fizah.. Go ahead, smirk and mock me.. *sigh*
You know, there're hell lots of things I should worry about and focus on other than this "love" thingy. I wish I could just fly off to some place and start a new life... But nothing comes easy. Life's not that simple. I'm lost.. still wandering around. and that's sad 'cause at this age, I should be sure of what I really want. Ouh God.
Gotta plan my career, my future. MY own future first before I include others in it. That' the very first step right.. My mum keep on mentioning about marriage. *sigh*

[ [ Lost & Found ] ]

2011-03-09T17:12:00.000+08:00

I've found this !

2011-03-09T03:42:00.001+08:00

2011-03-09T03:24:00.000+08:00

Dearest...
Have you ever experience a sistuation where you can't decide which path to choose?
Sigh..
Many things happened .. Well.. are happening actually.. I found someone fit enough to fill a special part of my heart. Till, my past came back.... Yeah, I'm lost.. again.. Still standing in between two. I'm hoping that God would give me a sign..
It's not that we didn't try to avoid from creating new memories together, we did. In a typical way. He blocked me from his account, we both deleted each other's number... But yeah, he text me a few hours later, saying how much he thought of me throughout the day... I know, he wasn't alone. I felt the same shit too. I'm beginning to wonder if I could ever live without him in my life, if I ever could live knowing I won't be able to see his smile, hear his laughter and feel his presence..
Yes, he's a lil' bit too late but.. deep down we still need each other. I can see it in his teary eyes. I know, he loves me.. I now know he cares...

I can't say much here 'coz, I'm starting to believe that love is a private universe.. Noone knows exactly what we're feeling inside..

Welcoming A New Year ~

2010-12-31T20:42:00.000+08:00

Another year had past.

My 2010 was a so-so.. Many things happened. Friendships, relationships, school stuff, work.. Family still remains the same, over-protective.

Friendship- It's a really bad year..You know that very well.
Love- It started out horrible in February. I was struggling to pick myself up and learn to love again.. It's indeed a roller coaster ride for me. God knows.
School- A very slacky year. Very.
Work- Ahh.. Horrible.

Well, let's not ponder over the past. It's a new year, a new story, another new beginning. I'm gonna start the year with a new found love of my life ! HAHAHAh ~ chey chey chey :)
And when it ends, he's still gonna be there, right ?

2010-12-26T23:58:00.001+08:00

This is for a friend of mine.

A friend shared a sad news with me earlier this evening.

Her dad's secret~

Her Dad is married to another lady and they had a kid. None of my friend's family members knew about it till today.. He's been keeping it from them for years. It's really sad. I could feel her Mom's heart breaking from miles away.. Hati dan naluri seorang wanita~

*sigh*

The family looked perfect from my point of view.. They were happy together and get along very well too.
I guess it's not easy to raise a family.. A very happy one.
It's really common nowadays for people to just divorce, remarry, or find another wife.
I begin to wonder if true love really exists. Just like Adam dan Hawa, Romeo and Juliet..

No, I don't really pity the children 'coz I believe they are not the one that are hardest hit. It's the wife~
How would she feel knowing that his love wasn't only meant for her? Gosh ..... I 'll hug her if I could. My mum went through something similar, just that she's the one who initiated the divorce thingy and my dad wasn't having an affair.

Divorce~
It's pretty ugly for many.. But hey, if it's for the best, why not? I mean, if there're no other options.
I'm not saying that it's easy.. but definitely we'll learn something from it.

And I don't want that to happen to me, ever. I don't want to wake up knowing that my husband is in somebody else's bed. It hurts so bad, you know.

I personally think that at this point of time, her kids should be there for her.. She's the one that's hardest hit

Courage and motivation of a mum mainly comes from her kids ( other than hubby). Trust me .

No doubt, it seems like the Dad is at fault but hey, he's still your Dad anyway.. At least he told the truth already..

Pretty Desserts

2010-12-24T06:35:00.000+08:00

Too Pretty To Eat
*OMG.. WHY SO PRETTYYY ????! *

And see what's NOT

Picture Perfect

2010-12-24T04:36:00.002+08:00

*that's for you*

*I wanna see this when I step out of my house everyday, can?*

My Offdays Bebeh

2010-12-23T23:49:00.000+08:00

I had a wonderful day yesterday!
I spent some time with my boyfriend at his crib in the morning. We had fun..in way.
I missed him eventhough he came to my workplace and keep me company while I'm having my break the day before. Sweet and thoughtful of him! He's in his army uniform and he had a rough long day. *sigh* I like to see him in his uniform :) Be it the army's or chef's uniform.. You know that fuzziness ? .. Heh.

Anyway, back to yesterday's events. We played with his syringe given by the dentist. We put syrup in it instead of water and sprayed it in each other's mouth. Lol. He passed but I failed to hold the syrup in my mouth even before he could pressed the whole thing down 'coz somehow he made me laugh! Aiyo. SO paiseh lah~ But well, at least we had a good laugh :) We chased each other around the house. Sprayed the syrup on my FACE ! Gawsh, you can mess up anywhere else, I won't really mind but FACE and HAIR, no-no(s) !! Luckily he's my boyfriend~

After wasing up, we made our way to Orchard. I'm supposed to meet Kai there. Audi wanted to send me there, so.... Heh~ I swear, I felt super awkward. My ex-turned-friend finally met my boyfriend in person. Ouh well, it didn't go so well 'coz Kai was talking on the phone ! Grrrr. Hmmm. At least they shook hands, right? Hmm.. Due to the awkwardness, I did something stupid without noticing and it broke Audi's heart in a way. See, I let his hands go upon Kai's arrival and didn't really return his kiss properly. I didn't mean to hunney. After explaining my feelings today, I'm glad he understands!

After hanging up the phone, I finally managed to talk to Kai. He thought I set him up. Of course not lah. Well, he was sweating. Hahaha !
We bought some food before heading off to Ming Archade's Cash Studio. *woots* Karaoke bebeh ! I like~ NO, correction- I LOVE!
I was pretty nervous and shy (to sing) at first but hey, I've pulled it through! Lol~ I sang with my heart. I felt like crying when I sang one of the songs. I hope it's not that obvious..Kai was surprise to hear that I can actually sing ! *ahemahem* Never underestimate me. I'm all about Arts ~ I can draw, play music, sing, act and.... dance???.. Chey, chey, chey.. Macam faham :)
Kai refused to sing using the microphone. I don't understand why he must be so preserve, you know.. Hmmm.. Well, at least he sang a lil' though it's without the mic. I was surprise that he actually knows how to sing songs sang by Awie and some other malay artistes. Whoa ! We had fun choosing songs though the remote's sensor was a lil' annoying. I sang lot's of Fauziah Latiff's, numerous of Wing's, a couple of Nora's and Misha's, a lil' of Ziana's, Jinbara's and yadayadayada. I screwed most of those English songs. But I like Sarah's In the Arms of An Angel.
We spent the whole 3 hours singing ! I didn't really "feel" the time. I wish I could sing again! We went for supper after that and the night ended after he send me back home.
Though we had fun , Audi never really left my thoughts. Meaning, I still do think of him and wonder if he's doing fine in camp.
P.S: Audi allows me to hang out with Kai. He trusts me :) and Kai and I are friends.

Today, I spent the day with my boyfriend again. He fetched me at my void deck, the mini garden actually.. We set off for city hall. We intended to catch a movie at Marina Square. Unfortunately, to my dismay, shits happened. I was utterly dissapointed with myself for leaving my i/c in my other bag. Yeah, I know. Clumsy.
So, we didn't catch the movie (Little Fockers). SO wanna watch that :(
Ouh well, nevermind~
We had lunch at KFC..
Talked over food . Food bonds people. Amazing. I love food!
Felt kinda full. We did some walking.. The Esplanade, Suntec, Bugis, Iluma.
And ouh, we ventured the Hershey's shop! Interesting! I like!!!!
Right next to it, there's this Gelato shop. I was so tempted to get a cup of gelato. They were callin' my name! Tasted a few and I had a difficult time choosing. Audi did help :)
Picked Three flavours and we made our way to Iluma while indulging on those gelatos. Audi shared his knowledge with me on Gelatos, Ice-creams and Sorbets. Now I know! Hahaha ~ Curious? Here, check this out : http://www.abigslice.com/icecreamdifference.html .. :)

Something happened along the way to Iluma (No, not those minah and mat's arguement kind of thing). We managed to sort it out and had a heart to heart talk at Coffee Bean's.. It's a good talk.

His Mum called while we were discussing something. So, we made our way to NUH (His dad drove us there).. His cousin was not well.. I felt sorry for his aunt and his cousin, I really do. Alhamdullillah, she's feeling better right now and I have to say that she's really admirable afetr hearing from Audi's mum about her. Amazing :)

Had dinner at Lot1 after that.
I like the way he bid me goodbye today. I felt so loved. So wanted. So special.
*sigh*
I love him, I really do~
And Insyallah, that love will never fade despite whatever obsticles that are in our way towards our goals and dreams.
Honestly, I felt so much closer to him.

Insecure

2010-12-23T17:14:00.001+08:00

Insecure is a lace
untied
in a race
trips me inside.
It hints that I don't
have the stuff,
why try,
when I'm not good enough.
And once
I stumbled
in my mind,
it's harder
not to fall behind.
It sure would be
a faster route,
if i reaqlly could live
without a doubt.

-anonymous

Just so you know

2010-12-22T03:45:00.000+08:00

this is playin in my head.. yikes!

i loike!

2010-12-20T02:16:00.000+08:00

Aaaah. His voice.. ! I remember those days when he's a lot younger.. Now, look at him! He reminds me off one emo Harry Potter though~ *chuckle* but hey, golden voice.

Flute Affair

2010-12-18T19:37:00.000+08:00

I'm so gonna rent a flute!

My Flute Affair

2010-12-18T18:48:00.001+08:00

What Concert Band Instrument Are You?
Flute
Only useful if you are surrounded by others, your meekness usually requires a group of people like yourself for anything to get done.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

My Result: Flute

on quiz: WHAT BAND INSTRUMENT ARE YOU?

Romantic and sophisticated. You love the spotlight. You sit in front and always pay attention. You don't like breaking rules. You get the melody, which is perfect for you. It's hard to play loud on a flute, but you like the light, airy noise.

Quiz Maker

Take this quiz & get your result

WHAT BAND INSTRUMENT ARE YOU? » create exams

AllTheTests.com -» The Quiz - The results

With your 80 % you are: You're a Flute/Clarinet! Sure, people cringe when you hit those wicked high notes, but that's what you're there for, right? You're the ones who've always had the melody and therefore you feel superior to all the other members of the band. You were playing sixteenth notes before many of them had mastered eighths! Or so you think... *Yay!! I know I am born to be a flutist!*

But you have almost become this:

With your 10 % you are: You're a Double Reed! Having a huge range of playing really low or really high, you seem to be perfect in moderation. However, that annoying duck-like timbre to your instrument drives the rest of the band members crazy and does nothing to endear your playing to them. *Bluek! I never like playing reed instrument. I can play a very lil' tiny bitsy bit of saxaphone (horribly) but never double reed(oboe)*

And that you are not at all:

With your 10 % you are: You're a Percussionist! Normally seen as absent-minded and undoubtedly one of the strangest members of the band, you entertain yourself by hitting objects. Even without an instrument in front of you, you consistently drum some obscure rhythm that's in your head...what's up with that? *Yes! I was a snare drummer .. Hee. I love hitting/whacking.. HARD*

With your 0 % you are: You're a Trumpet/Saxophone/French Horn! Egotistical and accustomed to having all the heroic parts, you think you are God's gift to the band. Though many famous musicians play your instruments (ie: Kenny G) just think of all the jokes that can possibly be made...and all of them true... *Hmm.. I have to agree!! They are like that*

With your 0 % you are: You're a Trombone/Euphonium/Tuba! A person after my own heart! We're neglected, looked down upon, and persecuted for being at the bottom and "slowing" the others down. Though how we can slow them down when we have whole notes is beyond me. Most fail to see our true potential, and even though the flutes don't believe it, we can play runs like that if we try to (well, maybe the trombones can't but...they're trombones). Known for being in small supply, we find ourselves on the fast track to success because there are few people to compete against (suck on that, woodwinds!). *Lol. Brasses **rolls eyes**

Questions That I Like :
What is your favorite thing to do in band?
See how many band members I can make cringe with the note I play ! Muahahah ! Lurvee that~

During measures of rest in the music, what are you doing?
Watching the conductor with my instrument primly in my lap, awaiting my next chance to shine.. Gosh.! I miss playing solos !!!!!

Firework

2010-12-18T18:22:00.000+08:00

I love this song..
Though the video is a lil' bit.. you know.. all that sparks coming out from chests? ..But it's pretty motivational.
I especially dedicate this song to my special someone who is having some bumpy ride right now and to those souls whose confidence needs a lil' boost. Including me :)

Unwritten

2010-12-18T17:55:00.001+08:00

This suits me right now :)

I am unwritten,

Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovation

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, yeah

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines,
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten ~

Natasha Bedingfield

Random

2010-12-18T17:36:00.001+08:00

Hey, look at what I did people :)

Hehe.. Sorry darling, couldn't help it. :)

2010-12-17T19:57:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a while now..
I found missing puzzle pieces as time goes by..
Fakhrin text me last nigt.. I was so happy :)
and now, Jai finally added me.. Finally~ and whoa.. i didnt know Raimy added him too :)
Haha.. Raimy, Raimy ..
Anyways, i have to make this short coz, I have something to attend to.. I'll be back pretty soon~
Till then, be good and take care !
Love,
Fizah Erdle

Wisdom Teeth Extraction

2010-12-15T23:44:00.000+08:00

It's been days away from work.. I wanted to be there for him.. I went to the hospital with him to remove his 4 wisdom tooth. It's an experience I shan't forget.
We were there an hour earlier. He supposed to be there by 10 a.m..
We were greeted by the cry of a toddler when we first stepped into the waiting area. The boy was really adorable, by the way.. Man, kids reallly do hate the dentist.

He's not the only one wailing like it's the end of the world, I tell you..

We waited for hours. After changing into some kimono-look-alike outfit, he went into the operation room (around 12p.m) .. I went to block 4 to get some food coz my stomache wasn't filled earlier in the morning.

I walked around alone and I remembered nothing else but my Thyroid appointments.. Noone were there for me. Ouh well.. Hospitals. A sad place.

Though I was kinda hungry, I don't feel like eating anything.. Nothing seemed appealling. God, hospitals.

I went back to the ward. The slot was still empty. His bed was still missing.. I tried to imagine him on the operation table. I felt really worried.

To keep my mind off negative stuff, I ventured FB. And then, replied an SMS from Kairul Azeri. We text each other for a while~Man, It's really stressful and disturbing to hear kids wailling every now and then.

AT 2+p.m, the nurse brought him back on the bed. To my surprise, he's awake and smiling. His eyes were red though.. He showed hand signs, he wanna go home and he wrote on my book, "Baby, I love you" .. and there he goes again, his eyes were smiling at me. I don't really know how to describe how I feel. My heart softened like crazy and I felt kinda sad.. at that moment. I told him to rest.. He 's stubborn and he refused to sleep. He refused to give in to the "drug".. His eyes were red, his cheeks were swollenl especially his left cheek.. There's a point when my tears just welled up.. Hahaha ! Silly right? I don't really know what I was thinking.. Lol. Silly silly silly.

I talked to the nurse for a while and listened to the doctor's advise. I collected his medications and bought him a soft post operation toothbrush. somehow, I felt responsible for him. He was discharge at 3p.m..

Hand in hand, I walked right next to him.. His cheek really swell like there's no tomorrow.. I could tell he felt weird. Still, I love you honey, regardless of the state you're in and I'm proud of you.. Looks doesn't really matter.

He wanted to go somewhere but I insisted that we should make our way back to his home because he needed his rest.

We managed to get a few things that suit his diet..

I have to say that I did learn a couple of things about him this week.

He's stubborn. Degil.

He doesn't take a no for an answer.

He knows what he wants and he's so gonna get it despite the consequences.

For example, though each bite was painful, he still wanna eat that chocolate. One small "square" of a chocolate bar took him a whole good 2 mins to chew. He ate them all for I don't know how long. Lol. That's my boyfriend ~ Very determine to make things go just the way he likes them to be.

I've been spending most of my days with him this week..

Will you ever get sick and tired of me ?

L.O.V.E Web Cam whoring

2010-12-13T16:58:00.000+08:00

[ [ Updates ] ]

2010-12-06T23:39:00.000+08:00

A VERY VERY BIG HELLO TO YOU !

Oh my God, I miss sharing/expressing my thoughts here !!! :)
I'm so sorry to inform that currenlty, my lappy is "sick" .. Down with some virus.
I did some blog hopping to catch up on things. I did drop by Fakhrin's and Aydel's.. Nothing is new on Fak's page. The still header looks pretty new to me every single time I drop by.. Ouh well *shrug*

SO many things happened.. I don't know where to start~
Family : Things are getting more and more complicated. Same old rules. I just can't wait for "21". Really..
Anyways, Abang Hariz is in love.. Lol ! I wonder how that girl fall for him.. I wish her luck !!! Bwahahaha !!!
Revenge is sweet. So, whenever he's talking over the phone, I'm gonna add all the "spice and everything nice" to the conversation like how he usually does whenever I talk to my boyfriend! Hah! Take that~

*ahemahem* : We're definitely opening up to each other.. and I like it.. There's this fuzziness whenever I think of him. *sigh* If this is not love, then I don't know what it is~

Friendship: Hmm.. Fakhrin is still beyond my reach. *shrug*

Work: Recently, I attended an event at Chevrons. It's one of those I shan't forget =) Though it's pretty simple and plain boring for some, to me, it means a lot. Though I had some people talking behind my back while I was parading the new uniform around the ballroom. Hmm.. I don't mind, people first impression of me is always the same (most of the time) : "sombong" and all that jazz.. *shrug* coz they don't know me, so it's okay..
And... I have to admit la.. I'm quite sick of my job.

L.O.V.E unexpectedly

2010-11-17T23:52:00.000+08:00

Wanna know how I spend my Hari Raya Haji this year? It's very different. Very.
No, I wasn't at work neither was I with my parents. They went to Batam to celebrate Hari Raya Haji, kampung style.. Pretty interesting, I heard that the atmosphere is different there. More happening but nah..prolly , I'll be joining them next year and drag Audi along! Let's explore different culture together! Alright, let's cut the chase. I went to Audi's Mak Long's house and his Grandma's too! .. with his parents and lil' bro!
You have no idea how awkward i felt. Really. As usual, his mummy is naise and warm..
And I love the baby (Azura) best ! So geram with her.. I want a baby daughter !!!!!
I wonder how my kids gonna look like =) hehe
I observed how her mummy feed her, play with her and made her walk :) hee..
Anyway, we went to his grandma's place after that. gosh, that Audi. Slalu tak bilang. I thought we're heading to Bedok, his home.
And yes, that awkward feeling again.. But his Auntie Sophie was really really friendly and his grandma's a good cook (reminds me of my grandma)! and I love roti kirai! hehe.. know that.
His dad's side reminds me of my mum's side of family. so kecoh and the house becomes noisy~ i like.. it's comforting. I miss those days when i was a lot younger.. The family was huge and it's so happening la..
We went back to his crib after that. You know, somehow, I'm opening up to him more than before.. I explored his stuff and I put on his helmet and his skeleton mask too.. heee. i felt like a kid.
there're a number of firsts that were broken, and I belive that there 're more waiting ahead, as long as our journey continues.

Irreplaceable Moments

2010-11-16T03:09:00.003+08:00

[A Life I Once Lived]

For sharing purposes only.

This was my band.

Ignore the uniform, we rawk !

NDP Scene

2003&2005

More Performances Caught On Camera

Competitions

Life After Graduation

Things change =)

The band is now polished with new skills and uniforms!

Impressive huh ?

♥

Meet My BABY

PINK PICCOLO!

Hah~ Kidding, the band owns silvers and brasses only

And a few that 're made of wood =)

P.S: Too many pictures too upload~ So, I skipped some!

Life as I Know It

2010-11-14T23:55:00.001+08:00

Work was fine today, not as bad as I thought it might be. I was thinkin' of Audi while working. He sounded pretty bad on the phone. If I could, I wouldn't work. I didn't feel like doing anything but sometimes, we gotta do what we gotta do though our heart and mind are elsewhere.
I felt so much better after hearing from him in the evening. *sigh* Boy, do you have any idea how much I care for you ♥ ? .. and my love grows each day ,so does my misses!
Farhan and Yaya had a problem. Yaya cried and all. I hope everything gonna be alright and I hope , as a friend, I managed to make her smile and laugh.
Hmmm.. relationships.. love.. Just like life, there're bound to be moments when they taste kinda bitter and there are moments when they taste really sweet. To me, there's no such thing as flawless..
There must be obsticles along the way... and baby, in the name of love, we gotta face them, hand in hand.. Mutual understanding, respect and trust will help us along the way.. Together, we soar the spirit of love! *Chey, Chey.. Macam faham*
Anyway, I love the journey back home. I always do. Tonight's weather is really nice~ I gazed at the moon while waiting for the bus.. the cold wind was gentle. I was inspired and I was in the mood for slow and romantic songs. I felt the positive energy flowing within me. I smiled to myself.. If only I could fly up and sit on one of those clouds with the moonlight shining on me~ Of course, I don't wanna be alone...
By the way, I met Afni and Dylan in the bus! I was sooooo happy to see them.! It's been a while ~ We chatted for a while :) I'm so glad to see them! heee~
Made my night ~
P.S: I miss you too~

Random

2010-11-14T11:04:00.001+08:00

I had a nigthtmare last night.
No banshees, No zombies. Just clowns.. creepy clowns. Those creepy painted smiley faces and evil eyes.
They were nice at first.
Dreams are always weird.
I was in this house and a spell was cast, the house was fully filled with water. I enjoyed swimming in it at first and then, I needed some air. I tried to swim up to an opening (at the ceilling) but those clowns pulled me downwards. There were other people by the way. We found another way out of the house ( the window). One by one, they went out safely and easily. I was the last one in line. Funny that I couldn't get out of the house. The window grill just refused to open up. I was desperate and I felt so sad. Everyone else were free except me. I can't forget the look those clowns gave me. Macam nak kene sepak dengan kaki gitu. Lol. They were laughing and smiling (so creepily) at me. Urgh. Hate clowns, despise to be caged.

L.O.V.E Saturday

2010-11-13T23:26:00.002+08:00

Dearest, I couldn't sleep well last night. I screwed something up at work again.. How annoying can I be? Arrrgh~ How can I not remember such a important thing??! Urrgh. Even if I were to say that I'm truely sorry, it doesn't change a thing. Shit happened and I have to face the music.
Anyways, that have nothing to do with my Saturday...
We planned to prepare breakfast and sing our hearts out after slacking session at home and yes, we managed to carry out them as planned. We went to the nearby supermarket to get certain missing ingredients and other goods.. It's really crowded there..
After feeding Ginger, we started preparing breakfast altough, I have to say, it's almost ,lunch time. I watched him getting busy.. I couldn't help staring at him while he chopped those garlics and other stuff. It's really pleasent to watch him cook. I have to admit, it makes me melt in a way.. *sigh* I can't believe that's my super sweet boyfriend. Tough on the outside but within him, it's other wise. :)
It's a hearty breakfast , I must say. I wish I could have those on my plate for breakfast tomorrow.
And yes, I did learn something new. thank you Sir Audi :)
We slacked after that ;)
Surprises! -One after another.. ! NAISE, I loike!
We fell asleep.. And He snored !!! Baby, you did! Hahhaha ~ SOmething I shan't forget~
And one more thing I have to include. He's gifted~ Very persuasive. yea. Monkeys.
We had dinner at 5+p.m and we went for karaokesession after that.. I had fun. overcame my shyness in a way. And I've seen another side of him. the side that sings. Heheh ~
Ouh.. I love Saturdays !!!!!!!!!

Out of the Norm Friday

2010-11-12T23:50:00.098+08:00

Thank God it's Friday..
I dragged myself to work but I must say that I was pretty happy that I'd be on shift with Yaya.. What's more, my hunney wanted to visit me at work! Of course, I was happy. I've been missing him like God-knows-how-much lately and I wonder why.
I apologized to Kak Fyda regarding yesterday. I couldn't turn up for work, remember? .. to please my mum..
I felt bad, of course.. *sigh*
Lifen came a few hours after that. I missed her hell lots. It's really nice to see her around.. i really like to work with her. She's lovely :)
I waited for Audi .. I wanted to go break only when he's around so that I could have my dinner with him. heeeee* and there he was, smiling at me. Arrgggh. =) I wanted to hug him but I was in my uniform.
He's botak! Hahahahh. It's really nice to rub his head. SO cute. Like monkey :) Heee.. He wore a cap which made him look way younger than his actual age. Heh.
We talked and I swear, I wished that I could have more time with him (see, my break is just 30mins).. Time passed pretty fast. Yaya joined us too.. It's really nice to see that they got along pretty well :) We should do this more often!
I was aware that my break was actually over and I should get back to work.. But nooooo, I sat there and continued to chat with them.
Kak Fyda came to me and said that Freddy's been wondering where on Earth I was. She seemed furious and serious. Okay, another screw up. Good job, Fizah. You asked for it.! But hey, she does that once in a while too! Pffft.
To my surprised she decided to let me off earlier! Ohlala. Of course I was happy but at the same tome, I couldn't help wondering if it's because of her being mad at me. She said that there're more than enough beanies at work, so she let me off. I didn't know if I should feel happy or upset 'bout it. Ouh wells, might as well embrace the opportunity to spend more quality time with Audi.
We went to Thomson Plaza. It's my idea 'coz my heart said that there's something I should see.. After such a long time. Yes, we went to the Yamaha shop. There they were.. Shining, glowing , glittering .. bleahs.. the spotlights were not switched on by the time we stepped into the plaza. It alright, as long as I got to see them, I'm content. Hmmmm.
Anyway, have I ever told you that my boyfriend, Mr Audi, who knew nuts about flutes actually did a mini research on flutes??? How thoughtful! By that small little act, he already managed to amaze me. It's really really sweet of you to find out about something that means a lot to me though it's not related to you at all.
We walked around after that.. He likes fountains. With slow flowing water. Noted!
He likes fishies and certain fish tanks too :) Noted!
We walked around Fair Price after that.. I loike =) WIth him around, I never fail to learn something new whenever we step into a supermarket.. We discovered new stuff like Japanese goodness-know-what. It looked like a long stick, belongs to the ground family like potatos and such.
He bought Ginger's catfood from a petshop after that.
He sent me home but our night hadn't end just yet.. It's kinda early. We had half an hour or so to burn. So, we sat somewhere and had a good chat.. We talked about the past. I know that he doesn't like to recall the past but I just wanna get to know him better..
It's a nice conversation. After whatever that took place in the past, i still believe that he can excel in his carrer as long as the passion is there. :)
Baby, keep the fire burning..

Life As I know it

2010-11-11T16:41:00.002+08:00

I went karaoke with Yaya and some other karaoke kakis last night..
Before that, I met Yaya at AMK's Mc. While waiting for her, I observed the outlet's new make over. The deco and theme is super nice for a fastfood restaurant.. And their cafe bar is equipt with a cool flat screen that shows pictures of new drinks. NAISE or what? Hmmph. I'm jealous.
Yaya and I did say hello to our fellow cafemates.. They thought I was gonna hit the club as I'm so called dressed for the occasion.
We walked around the hub and looked for Farhan's prezzie. Heeeeeeeeee :) I shall not state what it is here.. It's a surprise.!! Wargh!!! Farhan, you're one lucky birthday boy.. I want Yamaha's flute which costs $3k. Hah! Noone can get that for me. Only I can, if I were to save up for that lah. Hahaha~
ANyway, we did a lil' bit of window shopping.. Now we know where to get our shoes.. and lingerie. ahaha :) I had fun staring at the mirror with her.. Girls stuff ;) Boys don't have to know~
Anyway, our dear brother fetched us with his car and we zoomed our way to Cash studio, the one at Ming Arcade.. We passed by this lovely Cold Storage "Speciality" (I think).. I love supermarkets, I have no idea why.. (Even before I met Audi..) I wanna go there one day..
We met the rest after checking in. Honestly, I enjoyed singing.. Hey, my voice is not at all bad. :) heeeeeee. I could hear myself :) I'm hooked... I wanna sing sing sing~ I had fun .. and thank you Yaya, for being there.. I love you loads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The night ended late.. Very late.. hell yeah , I was in a hot soup.
He sent me home. he drove faster than Brother. lol. And I saw lots of other sports cars. Naise or what.. I find them (the cars, not the drivers) hot.. hahah~
I got out of the car and he drove off and made that "hot car sound". Ouuuuhh.. Naise naise NAISE!
Just as I expected, I was lock out for being late. To my surprise I didn't feel a pinch. Instead, I felt happy especially when I walked away. I sat at the void deck and I talked to Audi .. Yeah, we discussed about this. Parenting.. *sigh* and I could sense sadness, cunfusion, dissapointment and anger creeping in together, all at once. Everything doesn't seem right eversince the day they went saperate ways.
I feel like a lost soul you know. Like a lost young teenager sometimes whereas at this stage, I shouldn't feel this way. I'm turning 21 soon. I should be sure of what I'm doing and know what I want.
They say, parents are the ones who shaped/mould us.. They are part of the reason of who we are now, what we've become. Honestly, tell me, good parents=good daughter right? Or is it Good daughter= good parents? Which one comes first? Parents or daughter? I'm confused myself. They also say that it takes two hands to clap.
hmph~ Anyway, I'm staying home to please her. daily chores, here I come..
And hunney, you're missed.!

Random

2010-11-11T15:37:00.000+08:00

I wish I could see through your eyes so that I'll know what you would like to see. I wish I knew your wishes, so that I could give you everything you want. I wish I could dream the same dreams as you do, so together we could make them come true. & lastly, I wish I were a cell in your blood, so I would be sure I was somewhere in your heart!!

L.O.V.E Misses

2010-11-10T03:20:00.000+08:00

Dear God, I'm missing my boyfriend. :(
*Arghhhh* So baaaaaaaaaaaad. I want him here ! Here, right next to me. It feels so different not being able to hear his voice just before I go to bed. His phone is currently not available. *sigh* I'm gonna distract myself by keeping myself busy so that I won't miss him terribly.. This is my very first relationship with a guy who is serving the nation. Okaylah.. Thank god I've been single for months or else, I bet, I'd go crazy.
By the way, it's our very first monthsary today. He called today when the clock struck at 12 just now. I could feel my heart breaking when I heard his voice. I'm still missing him hell loads larrr. *grrrr*

I'll always remember how we first started.. My very first impression of him. Heh. Playboy, sweet talker, jerk. Hahaha. Sorry hunney. I'm being honest but hey, look at what we've become and how much you mean to me.. I remember our very first FB message, our very first hello on the phone and the very first sight of you in person. *sigh* and and my very first dinner break with you at work! The more I think of you, the more I'm gonna miss you. :( Arrrr. I'm counting the days till we meet again.................My dearest Audi..

L.O.V.E Saturday

2010-11-06T23:40:00.002+08:00

WebCamWhoring

I like this one :) But those stars are annoying.

Candid faces.

My BF's expression: priceless.. hehehe :)

Sweet (to me)

See, my BF's billion dollar smile!!!!

No doubt, he's cute but sad to say, I look kinda buruk here. Haha.

He's mine anyways :)

More of my BF's priceless expression. I like.!

Random

2010-11-05T02:50:00.000+08:00

I was by your side till the very end

Till you push me in the fire..

I tried to believe you but somethin is wrong

You won't look in my eyes

Tell me whats going on

If You can't be honest with me,then I'm afraid this is the end

Hurry up Hurry up..

If you ever really cared about me ..

Tell the truth,Give it up...

You sound guilty coz you're stuttering.

The seconds turn into minutes now

But you won't give me an answer

You can tell me this ,you can tell me that

But don't say you don't remember

Coz I know you better than you know yourself

So don't say Im crazy,i know very well

-Here and there from "stuttering" by Fefe Dobson

[ [ Awesome Wednesday ] ]

2010-11-03T23:55:00.002+08:00

A day off. Away from work.
Time to spend quality time with my wallet~ Haha!.. right.
I went to get my hair trimmed and went back home before heading to TBP to meet Kai for lunch and movie.
I went there earlier because I had to get a few stuff for myself at Watsons. I bought 6 items. They cost me $80. I was surprise though it happens every single time I went there to get stuffs. Heh. Fizah, Fizah. Tsk tsk tsk.
Kai was wearing a black tee instead of his red top (uniform).
We had lunch at the EighteenChefs. I love love LOVE the baked rice(with cheese+chicken slices+black pepper sauce) there. Mmmmm.. It's heaven, (at least) to me. Kai ordered the same thing. Yeah that's him. The copycat. Lol, no.. He just wanna make things simple. We went bought movie tickets after that. As usual, he gave me a chance to pick a movie. I was in the mood for horror. Initially i wanted to catch PA2 but I chose some other movie.. Something to do with Exorcism. Yes, it's "The Last Exorcism".. I know Kai don't really like such movie. But Haha~ My horns were as tall as KL's twin tower (okay, maybe shorter.LOL.lame, I know)..
The movie started at 5.30p.m.. We had a few minutes to burn.. We walked a round. We went to Popular. I wanted to get a good inspiring book but I couldn't make up my mind. I went to get McCafe to get a cup of Iced Passion Tea. The lil' boy(crew), was so cute. :) He's hospitable. He's really polite and pleasent but his drinks procedures were not there. I don't blame him, he's not a barista, just a McD crew. Heh but he's nice.
We went to get snacks at fair price( I think) before going to the cinema.
It's like a walkin-in freezer. Super cold. Kai was kind enough to cover me with his uniform. He took a good "smell" of it before covering me with it. Haha~ He's afraid that it's busuk( the smell of fastfood AND pespiration ). I smelled it and made a face. Sprayed it with my perfume as though it stinks. Lol. Actually, it's not. I was just pulling his leg.
I text Audi before the movie started. Kept on checking my phone after that. No reply.
The show started off quite slow and boring. Too much talking. I couldn't wait for someone to get posessed.
Then, there're moments of suspense. Could really give a heart attack but thank God I wasn't as "scared" as Kai. HAHHAHA. Funny lah. Lots of Epic reactions! He shouted !! ouuh. Okay, I do feel bad laughing at him instead of being scared with him. Really, on the second thought, macam kesian gitu bile tengok Kai scared. Awww. But I enjoyed the show. Creepy but Kai made me laugh a lot. I was the only one laughing in the theater. So guys, think twice before watching horror movies with me in the cinema. I'd be laughing instead of you know... freaking out. Annoying.
After the movie, I called my soldier boyfie. No answer. :(
Kai and I went to Body Shop to look around. I saw something, it gave me an Idea of what to get for that "someone".. Perfect.
So, there're better ones at GWC. So Kai agreed to keep me company.
Yeah. Went to his store for a while. I felt quite awkward. Yeah, we're no longer a couple. And I have a boyfriend whom I love a lot. It just felt weird when his crews gave that sly look. *sigh* The situation makes me look bad. Friends, people. We're friends.Know that.
He send me off right infront of my lift, as usual. I had a good night. Laughed quite a lot, sacarsm always lingers between us but it's fun :)
Thanks Kai!!! Thanks a lot.
I called Audi as soon as I stepped into the house.. received a text from him earlier. Sounded serious on the phone too..
We talked for an hour or two.. He made me laughed, I made myself laughed and he laughed at me. What's new? I'm always the joke :) heh. It's really nice to end the day by hearing his voice, his laughter, his crap. *sigh* I can't wait for Saturday lah hunney. I miss you so much!

Life As I Know It

2010-11-03T02:23:00.001+08:00

Life can be such a bitch sometimes. Things can just simply change in a blink of an eye. In fact, things are always changing. It's either for the better or worst but I bet most of us know tht there're reasons to every life events.
Like every other human beings in this world, I do trip and fall. I thank God that I have those people who at least help me keep my sanity in place. They might not be the ones who helped me to solve those problems nor guiding each and every steps I take. They simply make me think that those "horrible sistuations" are not that bad after all by lending a listening ear and give me a chance to rant whatever happened and whatever I'm feeling inside. I usually feel so much better after that and I'm able to think clearly.. Those horrible situations are not that bad after all. He knows our limits and he won't challange us unless He thinks that we're up for it... Right?

so...
It's finally the END of US.
Honestly, I was clearly upset about the condition of our friendship (between Fak and Me).. I just find it difficult to accept the fact that we're different now and things gotta change, meaning, things doesn't go our way anymore, we gotta let go and move on. I was actually annoyed that he don't even bother to point out what's the problem is. Ouh well, what else can I do right? It doesn't matter anymore. Screw it. I'm walkin' away. Yes, it's always painful to let go but everything seems to be so pointless now. It takes two hands to clap. *sigh* I can do this . I gotta deal with my parents and myself . Go Ra-Ra and keepcheering, Fak. I wish you well. I love you. I really do.

and..
What's New?
My family is still a wreck.
*sigh*
Note to self: F.A.I.T.H

2010-11-02T12:13:00.000+08:00

I wish I can erase myself.

Holla November

2010-11-01T06:51:00.000+08:00

Aiseyy October.. You're good. close to perfect.. I'm craving for a perfect, flawless month!.. But I guess God's having bigger plans ay?

No doubt, I'll remember you for those sparks, fireworks and butterflies in my tummy kind of things.. between me and my boyfriend, Audi. October was more about him. *sigh* I love him so much.

Holla November..
The very last month of Autumn and I still wish I could see it and feel it. Be good November, be better than good!!!

I can smell 2011 already! I wonder what lies ahead of me. and Us.
And ouh God, I'll be 21 pretty soon. Have I achieve any of my goals? NO. grrr.

Rambling

2010-11-01T01:08:00.004+08:00

I was kinda upset when I punch in for work. The place was kinda messy. Very. well, thank God the sales wasn't that bad.
Su Min went off. The place was still messy and I got kinda pissed when things were not in place during peak period. And there's this man, he's super rude. *rolls eyes* bossy, arrogant rich people.

I'm glad I'll be working mostly with Yaya this week..

I went home around 7+p.m.. I walked a bit (a distance of three bus stops) before boarding the bus and I allighted two stops before my usual one. I just wanna walk, embrace the night, do some reflection .. My mp3 was blasting songs by MCR, Fallout Boys, A7X, Fort Minor, Kelly Clarkson and yadayada. Those songs, back in secondary school..
You can actually tell my mood through those songs I'm listening to. *sigh* Something is not right but I can't really detect what's actually bothering me.
Honestly, I was thinking of :
Fakhrin.
Yesterday.
Audi.
Myself.
Wednesday.
Saturday.
That.
Us.
Them.
Future Me.

I guess, I'm just thinking too much. Is it coming already? I'm having terrible mood swings and yes, kinda emotional. It's annoying.
Looking up at the sky somehow helps me to ease up a bit..

Honestly, I need some time out with my friends but.. we're all busy with our own lives. I miss hanging out with fellow bandmates. I miss fluting. Sometimes, I'd close my eyes and imagine how it felt like holding it, playing those scores with my heart and soul. Man, I used to be so good at those solos, say like My Heart Will Go On.. *sigh* I've got to move on.

And I was thinking of Audi. Are we really made for each other? I realize that we're both from different worlds. I'm starting to sense that fear in me. Fear of losing. All those what ifs. At first, I thought I wasn't at all afraid of that because I knew that people come and go. I've already lost quite a number. So, I thought I would feel kinda numb if those "what ifs" happened. But now, fear and insecurity are creeping in. I took a good look at the mirror and I can see that those cracks are startin to show...

Ouh God. I shouldn't have.
I don't wanna be possessive nor obssessive..
Paranoid.

I've got to keep myself occupied. I've got to do something to ensure that I'm on the right track. I wanna be someone. Not just one McCafe girl or LTO screw up and I don't wanna be just another girlfriend either. I wanna be different. I want my soul to stand up among the rest, at least, to you honey. I want the best for you..

L.O.V.E Stay Home Saturday

2010-10-30T23:38:00.001+08:00

I went to his place .
His lil' bro (Aufa), lil' sis (Ili), his Bibik and his Ginger were there .. Ouh yeah, fishies , stitch and a white leopard or cheetah.?
We had a light breakfast and once again, my honey drank coffee. But I don't think that the amount of caffeine was enough since he didn't really have enough sleep the night before and he had a morning run/jog before fetching me at Bedok.
His crib is cozy and he welcomed me to his room. I love his room actually. It's blue, cozy, simple and there're scented candles around. I especially like his room at night. Candles. Lovely~
He showed me his magazine article, his stuff, all those that matter. We talked.. A good one. Something that madee me feel closer to him. I especially treasure the moment when he teared up. It means a lot to me although it has nothing to do with us or me alone. I like guys who are not afraid to show their true feelings to their love ones. I don't find it kental or even weak, really. Like I've mentioned before, I like to listen to others hearts' content. I like to know what others are thinking too. Especially those whom I love and I care about.
Other than that, we wrestled. Hah.
We had a good bonding session throughout the day. Then, we had lunch together at his dinner table. I had this warm fuzzy feeling in my heart. Imagine living together in our own house. There're so many things we could do together, creating new memories and embracing every moment together.. Yes, good things don't come easy. Ouh well, it's just a thought. A dream. Hmm.. Maybe it's more than that.
His mummy came home and she's really really warm :) I like that~
We then browsed through his photo albums (20%).. He's super chubby when he's a lot younger.. And his parents .. one sweet couple :)
He said, "One day, we'll gonna have our very own.."
Sometimes, I find that he's too good to be true.
I've learnt a lot about him today.. There're more coming right up. Am I up for it?

Life As I KNow It

2010-10-29T23:55:00.000+08:00

I have nothing much to update about my work day tonight. Pretty the same almost everyday. Customers were at their usual~ Some managed to carve a smile on our faces, Some made us laugh! Haha! There's this customer who came up to us and asked, "What's the difference between Flat White and Long John??" What the ??????? Thank God, Yaya was the one who attended to her question. I was at the esspresso station. I went to Linda and whispered, "Did you hear that??Long John Linda, Long John!" It's Long Black for crying out loud, missy! Hahahha. It's stated on the menu, big enough for everyone to read! Ouh goodness! Long John eh? LOL~ No, we're not mean, it's just plain funny lah honey! heh~ Couldn't help it. Nevertheless, thank you for "entertaining" us, the three bored baristas.
Have I told you that a customer made me scrap off those sugar icings on her cinommon melts?? I couldn't believe I actually did that, seriously. I felt super stupid. -.- People nowadays are so - .. Hmm.. Some even wants us to cut those chicken strips(in their sandwiches) into smaller pieces for them. OMG. I can just faint. It's coming from us Singaporeans , yes. Dissapointing.

My Ramblings

2010-10-29T01:34:00.000+08:00

P.s: This is something random. It's a win-win sistuation. No right, no wrong. My mind was floating and I thought of this ~

You know Dearest, in this world, we can never please everyone. No matter how nice we're to others, there's bound to be some out there who dislikes whatever we're doing or so to speak, how we present ourselves to the world. It's a fact and it's true. Yes, as humans, we tend to feel the hurt.. But hey, chin up. We are who we are.. To me, as long as we treat others right and with respect, who cares if they like us in return or not? Noone is made perfect. It's really silly to hate someone just because he/she hates you. If you hate someone for a reason, are you telling me you're perfect? Man, we aint't flawless. P.s: You hate that one person eh? There're many out there who hates you anyway. Lol. now, how do you feel?
I find that it's a waste of time hating each other.. What's the point of hating?We don't get anything in return, do we? Waste all the freakin energy. Lol.
We're all humans. Though we're sailing towards different goals, living different lifestlye and having different beliefs, we do have a lot in common. Try looking deeper, we are all link together. We're under the same vast sky. All of us needs air . We need love. We don't need hate. We don't need to be hated.
Hmmm.. come to think of it, we can't really stop someone from hating someone else. But hey, I think, sincerity is the key.
Ouh wells. The world is beyond my control anyway ..
If you happen to hate me, you know what? I don't care. I'm all smiles. I 'll give you all the warmth that I have as though you love me~ It makes me happier anyway, rather than frowning over the hatred. Tiring lah. Haha

Life As I know It

2010-10-28T23:37:00.001+08:00

Work was usual. I have to admit that I'm kinda sick of my job. Okay, let's not go there.
By the way, Aunty Samnah is one good cook. Awesome Nasi Lemak.. *Uff* The sambal is hawt hawt hawt! NAISE!!!!
I went home, feeling happy. Talked to my hunney on the phone. It's really nice to hear his voice. I miss him, I do. Really really do!
I can't wait for Saturday!
Guess what? I went home and found both of my brothers slacking in the living room! NAISE ! Finally~
And and my favourite noodles were on the table, callin' out my name. Yes, Mee Soto!!! Hee~ Yummy! My second bro joined me for supper.. We talked. Yeah, I'm glad he's in a good mood. And the three of us had a chit chat session just before going to bed. *sigh* I wish it's like this everyday!

Life At Random

2010-10-27T21:59:00.000+08:00

Hey Dearest .
I so wanna go out now and have a nice stroll outside.. It's windy and I love the night sky.. The cold wind.. I wish there's a nice park nearby. Me being me, I don't mind walking alone.. *sigh*
Serenity+Clarity

L.O.V.E

2010-10-26T16:25:00.000+08:00

Our "One Days"
The things we wanna do together, creating history~

Bake
Piano session
Cook
Catch the sunset
Ride (his bike, jet ski, and bicycle?)
Vacation
Bali
Italy
Ice Skating
Hit the beach
Shop till we drop
Watch Fireworks
Do stupid things without feeling stupid

And the list goes on and on and on~
I can't wait :)

Life At Random

2010-10-26T01:43:00.000+08:00

The hunt for the right background continues.. *sigh* I want something that's not too "heavy".. I want something light.. Something pretty elegant.. Hmmmph .. I can't really make up my mind.
Indecisive~

I wanna watch a few episodes of "Charmed" later.. =) Another off day !

Life As I know It

2010-10-25T06:35:00.004+08:00

Thank God, it's my off day ~

Let's hope for a better week !

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

2010-10-25T03:07:00.005+08:00

When all the clouds darken up the sky way

There's a rainbow highway to be found

Leading from your window pane

Just a step beyond the rain..

Somewhere over the rainbow way up high,

There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue,

And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

away above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly.

Birds fly over the rainbow.

Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the rainbow

Why, oh why can't I?

Life As I Know It

2010-10-24T23:09:00.003+08:00

*sigh*
Dearest....
My heart is feeling so heavy right now.. Prolly because I hadn't let out whatever I was/am feeling for quite sometime..
I don't really know where to start.. so many things jumbled up together..
Well, here goes....

Friendship:
Dearest Fakhrin.. My bestfriend.. You might not know it but you're always in my mind every now and then.. I wish I can just see you smile and hear your laughter even if it's from miles away.. I wish that you know you're always close to my heart.. I'll carry those memories we had created wherever I go, believe me. Eight years Fakhrin, eight years... I can't believe we're finally letting this go.. I do wonder if you're feeling the same way like I do.. I don't wanna sound too "needy" here.. You're simply the best I've ever had.. It's really difficult to let go, you know.. But things doesn't go our way anymore. It takes two hands to clap. We made this. We're the reason why things happened. The good ones, the bad ones.. The beginning, the journey itself and how it ends. I'm just glad we've been there.. It makes me smile whenever I thought of us but tonight, it's slightly different.. I teared instead but still, I'm smiling! ouh Fakhrin ~ No words can actually express how much I miss you. But, like you said, "i'm not who i once was, because we aren't who we once were.."

Family:
The house.. The atmosphere feels kinda cold. Why??
My mum nagged at me as soona as I got home from work.. She's not at all please with my lifestyle/routine..
1. My work schedule.: She wants me to schedule myself for morning shifts.
2. She wants me to sleep earlier, say before 12 a.m?
3. She insists that I should ensure that the house is flawless before I leave for work or some outing. everyday.
4. She wants me to be up early every morning. Do house chores before anything else. Like a housewife. hah

Hmm.. 3 & 4 ,sure thing.. I'll do my best~
But 1&2? Big NoNO.
*sigh* I need some entertainment, mum. *sigh*
Ouh wells.

My 2nd brother? I have no idea why he's being cold to me either. What? I didn't do my house chores? I did ouhkay. :( I did the laundry, folded his clothes. Their clothes. Cleaned up the mess.. Yeah, ouhkay, I skipped the sweeping, the vacuuming and mopping. But well, at least I did a couple of things. He's not even doing anything. I don't care if he's a guy or what. Who says guys shouldn't do all these? They should especially when they are not our husbands! I mean, hey, you're my bro man. We should take turns or something. Be fair.! Man, when will they learn how to compliment and motivate each other? People tend to focus on our weaknesses and then they totally forget about our strenghts. *bleahs* whatever.

I'm kinda dissapointed and hurt by my stepdad's words.. Whatever he said to Audi. I mean, how could he? *sigh*
It makes me wonder how things would be like if my parents didn't divorce. Life would be so much better. Less complications. I just wish that I was old and wise enough back then to help my parents out with their problems.
Hmm. No point wishing. We have to accept "qada' dan qadar".. God wouldn't give us something we couldn't handle right? He knows best.

If noone's gonna make a difference/changes in the family, I would and I will (once i understand this whole "thing")
I'm craving for a warm, happy, united family for years! God knows~

Relationship:
We spend quite a couple of days together this week. Love and sparks, all over the place.. Of course, it feels good.. Something that warms my heart.. Something I'm content about too. We've got alot to learn from each other.. He's showing me his world and I'm gonna show him mine.. bit by bit, one step at a time.. But hey, we're moving pretty fast.. Hmm.. maybe not.. There's a long way to go, more challenges , more interesting stuff awaits us.. Honey, this is just the beginning...

L.O.V.E

2010-10-21T01:28:00.005+08:00

This is my boyfie. handsome kan??? I loike!

Just The Way You Are - JVoqalz Cover

2010-10-19T02:06:00.002+08:00

I so love his voice... and he's kinda cute~ That boyish smile :)
And I personally find that he sounds and looks better than Mr Brono Mars himself. No offence :)
And *uffff* the song, makes me smile and melt !!!!
I can just sing this song all day long at work ~

L.O.V.E Those Many Many Steps

2010-10-18T02:58:00.003+08:00

October 15,
Under The Vast Night Sky; Eco Lake..

I rushed home after work.. Initially, the plan was to introduce him to my dad.. Sadly, my dad was kinda busy that evening. So, I suggested to get food from the hawker centre along Adam Rd and we could eat at Eco Lake, that lovely place :) At least to me.. I wanna gaze at the night sky with him~ Besides it's been quite sometime I hadn't step into the park. I wonder if there're more changes to it.. The construction and stuff. My eyes hurts looking at those cranes. Sheesh.The place looks messy now.
Anyway, bought Fried Noodles for him.. Mind you, it's special 'coz it's EXTRA SPICY :) I didn't know what the heck I was thinking. My horns were as tall as KLCC. Haha. And and, I insisted that he should get a nice cup of rich espresso.. Well, I always believe that it's not that strong as we got it McCafe. Try those at TCC or other coffee chains, I bet they're stronger.
We found a nice spot . I call it a hut, he calls it gazebo. Heh.. You should have seen his face while "feasting" the noodles! I find it cute.. Like , super cute! But of course, I felt bad though I was smiling as I watch him eat.. Awwwww.. I did tell him to stop but he refused! The noodles was delicious! Mmmmm.. I wanna eat that again.. He then drank that espresso.! That 45ml of coffee~ Gawshhhhh.. I jolly well know that he's quite "sensative" to coffee. He's gonna go super hyper if he drinks coffee.. I just wanna see how crazy he can be. I just wanna witness his moments. Heh. In a way, I get to know another side of him :)
A few minutes later, he stood up. He walked around aimlessly, not knowing where to go.. I watched him with a big wide smile on ma face! I then went up to him and held his hands, asking him if he's already in his "hyper-due-to-coffee mode".. Heeee~ He's just so adorable.! My mind was like saying, "Is that the best shot, Mr Audi?" heee.. But still, he's just so adorable lah.. Like a kid...
We saw swans by the lake and that boyfriend of mine tried to pluck one of their feathers! He wanted to do so many things all at once.. Heee.. Like a kid..So adorable. He hugged me and yes, kisses :) And I love that look on his face when he made that sound with his teeth.. Man, I love his smile.. Dearest God, you're an awesome creator !

The evening past pretty fast.. I wish I could just gaze at the sky with him.. Well, we didn't really gaze at the sky... I was busy gazing at Audi.. Sigh..

October 16,
He Met and Talked to My Dad

Another day of rushing back home..
It's a roller coaster ride of emotions for me on the previous night.. I misunderstood what my parents were trying to say and they misunderstood me too.. I shan't brag on that now coz, there's no point doing so :)
Audi and I met somewhere near my place. We talked for a while and we set off to Brickworks to meet my dad. It's kinda humid lately.. I felt quite agitated.. There's no wind at all..
I went off immediately after acknowledging my dad.. My heart raced for him.. I was hoping for nothing else other than the best.. For the both of us. God knows how heavy my heart was to leave him there with my dad.
While I was at home, I tried to distract myself by doing other things.. He went silent for three hours.. I couldn't help wondering what's happening..
Finally, around 11+p.m, he gave a call and he went, "Arrrrgh baby!!! Arrrrghhh!!!" My heart stopped beating for a few seconds. "Why? What happenned????" and he said, " Your dad sent me home"... Hahah. :)
He told me a few things.. I couldn't help smiling........... :)

17 October ,
Supper, with Love
I was on my way to work when my mum called.. She wanted to meet Audi and asked if he could join us for supper somewhere. I was pretty surprise and I couldn't help smiling at work.. Smiling and singing..
Audi came around 8+p.m.. Heee.. soo good to see him again.. We waited and waited.. My parents was busy I guess.. They arrived at 10p.m.. Nevermind~
:) heee. There were a couple of epic moments that I shan't forget. My parents were funny ~ I felt so shy when my mum asked me if we're serious 'bout the relationship.. I couldn't believe we talked about marriage. Whatever it is, I'm glad everything went well :) I'm glad my parents like him! Heeee~ Baby, you've passed with flying colours! I love you, I love you! Let's make this work~ insyaallah ~

Life As I Know It

2010-10-15T00:14:00.002+08:00

Dearest..
I still wanna rant though I'm tired. I can't sleep if I keep them all inside.

First things first.
Work was "undescribable". Worked with Allen. Yesh, he's in his usual stubborn mode and I'm in my unusual sarcastic and grauchy mode. Maklumlah, first day. Mood swings but he deserve that. Or maybe, worse than that.? Hoho. Quit being a bitch will ya, Fizah? We were fine after he punch out. I was so relieve. Haha~ But we did joked around like normal friends do lah.. Hey, work is work.. After work is a different thing. Ouh wells. I'm kinda agitated that I can't seem to do a nice hot beverage with that freakin' 10 mm rim constantly~! Grrrrrr. I need classes with updated procedures. I had mine 4 years back and the trainer passed away last year. It's all different now. I need it soooo badly. I feel lousy, I swear~ It's really frustrating.

Work ended at 6p.m.. I stayed around.. Promised Yaya to wait for her so we could talk at 7p.m... Then, one of the managers asked me if I could send a missing order for a drive-thru customer.. I took the cab. Stratton Dr. Where on earth was that?? The cab uncle had no idea too. Thank God, Thank Iphone. There's a map! Lol.. And thanks to the uncle for being so patient Really nice uncle.. So fatherly.. He's a malay pakcik by the way :) I was so tired. I closed my eyes throughout the journey. My mind just wouldn't shut up.. It's givin' me headaches. See, I think alot and I do worry a lot.. Just that I don't really show my fears and insecurities about stuffs.

My eldest brother called, Abang Hafiz.. He asked me out for dinner. Whoa~ That's something rare. Almost never happened before.ever.. I wonder why.. We decided the place and time. I decide actually.. Heh. I was kinda happy that I'd get to meet him and spend some quality time with him after such a long time.
*sigh* To my dismay, that meet up cum dinner doesn't happen at all~ I have no idea why. He left me with lots of question marks popping all above my head. I wonder if he's okay.. He's one guy with loads of issues.. Dear God, I wish he's okay.................... *sigh*

I spent the evening with my mum.. We had a good chat.. A lil' bit of Audi, a lil' bit of Kai, a tiny bit of Terence and a huge part about "wanita dan harga diri"or should I put it as "Harga diri dan maruah seorang wanita Muslim" .. Heh. Chey3... You know, sometimes, my mum can be a lil' bit too noisy and paranoid and whatever I call it, but I'm glad and content that she's still here to remind me... She really makes me sound like I'm the worse anak dara on Earth all the time. It's a good thing , she makes me think and be aware of how I should behave.
hmm.. I decide to live in a modern world with Limits.:)
Mummy, I just hope you understand.. and please2 like Audi and accept him ,is that okay????? hee.
I'm hoping for the best!

By the way, I've told Audi that I would go to bed minutes ago but here I am, ~ Talkin' to myself :) hehe.
I feel so much better.. I don't wanna text him.. He's kinda busy. He said he is kinda busy. Heh..
Honey, let me tell you something.. Lookin' back, I realised that I can sound super sarcastic whenever I'm upset with my BF.. I hope this time, I'm gonna be so much different when it comes to maturity. Insyaallah, I'm gonna give my very best~

There! Much much better! You know, it's really nice to share something with someone. To express ourselves.. Everybody needs that. I've been doin' this since I was in primary school.. Not a blog but a diary, a journal.. And I still do have them.. I do read them whenever I feel like it (nostalgia mode). Yes, I sounded silly but who cares? We live and we learn :) I still do sound silly at times, don't you think so?. Hmmm.. everybody has their "moments".. So yup!

Anyway, I've made plans on how to pamper myself :) Awesome much!
*wink*
I'm gonna sleep with a smile on my face!
Well done, Fizah! You've cheered yourself up! .. like once again~ :)
Man, I love myself.. and you should too !!! :)

Pessimistic Me

2010-10-15T00:00:00.003+08:00

And honestly, I miss you ~
I've been wondering bout the cause of your bleeding nose.
I'm wondering how it feels like to do an 88hours straight duty
I'm wondering what you're doing while on duty right now.
I'm wondering if any one of your past ever gonna find a way back to your heart.
I'm wondering if a lie ever existed between us.
I'm wondering if you're gonna ignore my messages and phonecalls one day.
I'm wondering if there's ever a day when you're gonna say goodbye.

Cam-Whoring Moments

2010-10-14T02:04:00.001+08:00

A month or so ago...

Decades Ago...

I love my hair. back then. Lol

Personality Test

2010-10-13T01:58:00.005+08:00

I did a personality test !
http://www.41q.com/type.41q?p=24682244

Daily Cuteness

2010-10-12T22:49:00.001+08:00

Somethings that makes me laugh and smile. Heh~

Reminds me of Udin :)